So... What’s Going On With Me? A Loving Note to Partners.
Hi! (Don’t be scared).
If you’ve been wondering why your partner (me) seems a little... different lately - emotionally, physically, energetically - this one’s for you.
Maybe I’ve been waking up at 3am for no reason. Maybe I’m hot, then freezing, then hot again. Maybe my moods are more like weather systems: calm one moment, full tropical cyclone the next. Or maybe I’ve just been quieter than usual, a bit more inward, or constantly Googling “hormonal rage + how not to burn it all down.”
Don’t worry - you didn’t do anything wrong. And no, I’m not losing it. I’m probably not going to burn it all down. I’m just going through something called perimenopause.
And I want you to understand what that means - for me, for us, and for right now.
What Even Is Perimenopause?
Perimenopause is the 5–10 year transition before menopause. It can start as early as our late 30s (yes, really), but for most women, it kicks in during our 40s. It’s when our hormones - particularly estrogen and progesterone - start fluctuating wildly, sometimes daily.
Think of it like a hormonal symphony that’s starting to play a completely new tune. The conductor (aka my brain) is trying to keep up, but sometimes the violins are too loud, the drums come in unexpectedly, and I’m just trying to stay in rhythm. If that sounds like a shit show, well, it is.
What It Feels Like (AKA the invisible stuff)
Here’s where it gets tricky: perimenopause isn’t something you can always see. It’s not like I broke a leg or caught the flu. But it affects nearly everything - from how I sleep and digest food, to my mood, energy levels, and even how I relate to the world.
Some common symptoms (you might recognise a few):
Sleep disturbances (hello, 3am wide-awake)
Anxiety or low mood, even when nothing’s wrong
Hot flushes and night sweats
Brain fog (yes, I did forget the thing I just said I was going to do)
Low libido (not personal, just hormonal)
Weight changes, especially around the belly
Feeling easily overwhelmed or overstimulated
And no, we don’t all get all of these. Some days are fine. Others are a foggy, sweaty, snack-fuelled mess.
So What Can You Do?
You don’t need to fix me. You don’t need to have all the answers. Please don’t ask me: ‘How long will this last?’ or ‘Why did you put the bin liners in the fridge?’ I don’t f*cking know. But honey, your support makes all the difference. Here’s what helps:
1. Be curious, not confused.
Ask how I’m feeling, even if you don’t totally get it. Just the fact that you’re reading this means a lot.
2. Give me space when I need it.
Some days, I’ll want to talk. Other days, I might need to disappear into the bath or the forest or just scroll silently for an hour. It’s not personal.
3. Understand this isn’t about you.
I’m not mad at you. I’m just trying to ride a wave I didn’t see coming - and sometimes I fall off the board.
4. Know that I’m working on it.
I’m not just “waiting it out.” I’m eating differently, moving my body in ways that nourish me, getting support, and doing my best to feel steady. But it’s a process.
5. Small gestures go a long way.
Tea made. Kids wrangled. A non-judgy “you okay?” These mean more than grand romantic gestures right now.
Why This Matters (to both of us)
Perimenopause is not a decline. It’s a transition. Yes, it’s bumpy. Yes, it can feel like an identity shift. But it’s also a chance for me to come home to myself- and tune into what I actually need, now that I’ve lived enough life to know.
So, this isn’t just a mess - it’s a metamorphosis, and you’ll see me come through this stronger, and steadier.
One Last Thing
If I seem different lately, it’s because I am. My body is changing. My needs are changing. My outlook is changing.
And I want you to understand this part of my life - not because it’s easy to explain, but because it’s important to me that you see me.
Thank you for reading.
You made it to the end! Now how about you run me a magnesium bath and I promise not to cry in it (probably)…