Did I Just Yell at the Dishwasher?Rage, Resentment & the Midlife Identity Shift

Let’s just say it: peri rage is real.
It’s the kind of heat that flares in the chest, stings behind the eyes, and makes you slam the dishwasher shut a little too hard. Sometimes you’re snapping at the dog for breathing too loudly. Other times, you’re seething with unspoken resentment at your partner, the group chat, or your entire laundry pile.

If you’ve found yourself full of a quiet, simmering fury lately - or even loud, unfiltered outbursts - you’re not alone.
And no, you’re not turning into a monster.
You’re a midlife woman in transition, and there’s more going on beneath the surface than just hormones.

Let’s Start With the Science Bit

Yes, hormones do play a major role. During perimenopause, levels of estrogen and progesterone start fluctuating unpredictably. Estrogen influences serotonin and dopamine - those lovely brain chemicals that help us stay emotionally regulated. When estrogen drops, patience often goes with it.

Progesterone is calming. Think of it as a natural anti-anxiety hormone. As this starts to decline too, we become more sensitive to stress and less able to shrug things off.

So, the rage? It’s not in your head. It’s in your body.

But It’s Not Just Hormones

Here’s the truth no one tells us:
Sometimes, what we call “hormonal rage” is actually suppressed resentment finally rising to the surface.

Resentment from years of carrying invisible mental loads.
From putting everyone else’s needs first.
From being agreeable, competent, nice, and efficient for too long.

Perimenopause doesn’t just mess with our biology - it shakes loose everything we’ve buried. Things we tolerated. Roles we accepted. Parts of ourselves we silenced to keep the peace.

Suddenly, we don’t feel like tolerating it anymore.
And that can feel wild.

The Midlife Identity Shift (AKA “I Don’t Want to Do This Anymore”)

Many women in their 40s and 50s start feeling this quiet (or not-so-quiet) voice saying:
“I don’t want to keep living like this.”

It’s not just about hot flushes and night sweats.
It’s about realising that certain roles no longer fit. That the superwoman act is costing too much. That we’re ready to be more ourselves, not less.

But stepping into a new identity means unravelling an old one. And that’s where the friction happens. We feel the pull between who we’ve been and who we’re becoming - and it’s messy.

It can look like tears over the dishes.
Or fury when someone leaves the bathroom light on again.
Or a deep, aching sadness we can’t quite name.

What We Actually Need

We don’t need to be told to calm down.
We don’t need to be “managed.”
We need space, support, and understanding.

Here’s what can help when the rage hits:

1. Pause before exploding (if possible)

When we feel the heat rising, sometimes a breath - or walking outside for two minutes - can interrupt the default reaction. Not always. But often enough to help us respond instead of erupt. Think: Power of the pause.

2. Unpack the anger

Ask: What’s really bothering me right now? Is it the dishwasher - or is it the fact that I feel unsupported? Unseen? Touched out and stretched thin?

Anger is rarely about just one thing. It’s a signal. A boundary trying to form.

3. Name what’s shifted

Maybe you’re not willing to carry certain loads anymore. Maybe you’re starting to speak up instead of smoothing things over. Maybe you’re not who you were five years ago - and that’s okay.

Give yourself permission to outgrow old patterns and roles.

4. Talk it out (with someone safe)

This is where support matters. A friend, a coach, a midlife community. Talking it through takes the pressure off your nervous system - and reminds you that you're not the only one yelling at appliances.

5. Nourish your nervous system

Blood sugar drops, poor sleep, too much caffeine… all these things can make rage feel more intense. Supporting your body with protein-rich meals, magnesium, and gentle movement creates steadier ground. The Peri Plan has your back - go here.

This Isn’t You Falling Apart

This is you re-evaluating your life.
This is your nervous system asking for less pressure.
This is your deeper self saying: “Something’s got to change.”

Yes, the rage is loud. But beneath it is truth. A call for more boundaries, more honesty, more ease.

Want to hit reset this whole Peri Thing together? Meet me over here for online coaching and community of equally rageful beautiful peri women.